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Heavens Gate

Oct. 18th, 2006 06:27 pm

Why do I still care? I shouldn't but I do. It's a horrible word along with a horrible world.

Current Music: Glassjaw - When One Eight Becomes Two Zeros

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Apr. 19th, 2006 04:52 pm Make Every Moment Count.

Why does it seem that life changes on a daily basis. It's like no one has any remorse or a conscience. Drop and leave what you had like it was just sand on the beach. I'm not quite sure why everyone has these emotions. I feel like everyone hates me for no apparent reason. I've not changed, I'm still the same asshole I've been for the past some odd years. To decide to drop me now seems ridiculous. I guess I can survive on my own, I've still got a positive mental attitude. Happiness doesn't rely on others, I can get by no matter. A lot of the time I like the long drives alone, or just sitting outside staring at the sky. It also helps when you at least have one person to talk to while you stare and gaze. I'm not too worried about anything, the world re-arranges and fixes itself on a daily basis. That's how life goes. Friends are there for you through thick and thin, this experience just weeds out the fakes from the truth. Might as well get used to it, it'll be like this for the next 50 years of my sad life. I still have fun from time to time, I still have my music, my words and my few friends. Coasting along like each day was my last. As long as I know that if I were to die at any point in time, I'd still be happy is what keeps me going. Positive mentality is all I can have during these beautiful days outside. The sun is out and flowers are blooming, its impossible for me to spread about this hatred that others feel like bringing about. I'd much rather just have everyone hanging out, laughing and eating than throwing cold glances and whining because someone's there that you have no excuse to not like. Meet the immaturity that covers teenagers. Possibly one day they'll grow up and realize it's stupid to waste so much time and energy on it. Most things we do aren't worth it.
I know that I'll be leaving in a little over a year, I'll still talk to the people I love regularly and everyone else I'll see at a high school reunion in 20 years. I dont' dwell on my past, I don't even look for the future. I live at this very moment, that's all there is to do. Negativity is what brings this world to pieces. On that note I'm going to go spend time with my family, eat some food, laugh and watch tv on the new Big Screen. For once, I'm happy with where I'm at. No more wasted days and smiles.

Current Music: Set your Goals - Goonies Never say Die

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Apr. 13th, 2006 07:44 pm

No I will not be your doorstop. I'm not the man that dangles his feet over the edge of the earth. You're as forgiving as a virus and as beautiful as it's infection. This venom comes out in the spurts of an endangered mammal, A scared lamb. With every step I'm breaking another bone, tearing another tendon. I like it that way. I'm tattered, but not as terrified as the scared midget that tucks their legs behind their head to hide. It's a shell made out of twigs and mud, rot. You sleep under the vacant sky with little to hide. Maybe one day you'll realize I'm not a stepping stone. I'm just an avalanche crumbling.

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Apr. 12th, 2006 07:59 pm the death of a lantern.

I've rested my head on the shoulder of many, the straight lines that have broken or cut. I've been painting murals in hopes that you'll believe there's a stench of vague love. I hope this train covers itself as it de-rails off the wrong track and plummets. I've heard the ocean will swallow you whole. It's so forgiving to disappear with the Ships that set our country in motion. The founding fathers scribed bitter documents for our existance that paraphrashed my thoughts. Maybe this bullet will find it's mark, I've spent days disillusioned carving it from stone. It's possible that someday I'll be an original but until then, I'll remain carbon copied.

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Mar. 2nd, 2006 10:12 pm For a whore I once knew.

How could you be so naive?
(you're just a whore)
What does it take for you?
(to percieve as)
Am I just a bitter wreck
Or am I just dead?

I hope and pray everyday
that you'll drown on your way
out of the bottomless pit
that you crawled in

I should of took you out that winter
If only I'd have known
You should have bled a little sooner
and let it scabbed over

A whore knows her way out
of a winding maze
She'll stay true until today
today she'll run away

I should have just killed you that winter
If only you'd have shown
You could have fucked him sooner
and let the world know

So I've heard you've been around
walking up and down the town
Flaunting yourself around
might as well sell your body now.

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Feb. 28th, 2006 08:16 pm Panels

We'll warm our feet by the fire
I'll kiss you then retire
to this bed that you made right here.

I've gotten weary about opening my eyes and learning with each experience that comes along in my life. It's hard to take each stride without stepping on each crack etched into the cement. For some reason, it seems easier to skip along each beaten path when it goes two by two. I can't remember that it's best just to stare myself in the eyes and Breathe. Each Triumph comes with great glory. I've yet to raise my fist in victory. You'll understand then under-estimate each tiny thing I can be. It's hard to comprehend the mangled speech that drips out of a frenzied harbor. The ships crash onto the shores as if they were just vessels in a child's bath-water. I'll ride out these waves and crash under the tides if I'm allowed to view angels, even if for only a moment. I'm fairly certain this silence is perched on the hilt of your dress. I'm not worth it, I fail to recall our own memories. I'll forever come to rescue you from your own pity and misery. I'm a sucker for your smile that coats the ground with snow when it's 80 degrees outside.

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Feb. 15th, 2006 08:15 pm A Tragedy.

One of these days I'm going to stow away in a plane and vacation in a wasteland. Anything can be better than being here. Yet, I know I'm lying and I never truly want to leave. This is the high point of my life, it can only plummet from here. Life is only horrible the day that you die. That day you can not look back on to decide how wonderful living used to be. It's never bad because sometime you'll look back on how amazing that time was. This way when I feel like this, i can over-come some childish impressions. It enables me to actually open my eyes to the world. Reality twists in with everything else. Normally I can't untangle myself from this. Pull yourself up into the air. Suffer from the smog that impales you.

I despise you ever second I have to see you. I cringe when your voice cracks like nails being etched into a chalkboard. Write your own worst memories and turn them into tragedies. Everything you do is a disaster. You know you're tarnished like the gold flakes that chip and rust away. if you were real, I would be the fiction that you embrace. If lies were bullets in your teeth, you'd never be able to speak. Eat away with your gluttony, who else matters anyway? I hope you soar without your wings, now that will be your tragedy.

Current Music: Emery - Listening to Freddy Mercury

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Feb. 12th, 2006 12:43 pm

AGH! I'm sick, I think i've got some kind of disease. This month sucks, I forgot how much I hate February, who knows why? I've been extremely tired and fucking depressed about life in general. I don't even remember most of my month, everything runs by like a blur. Oh well, Here's to the champagne becoming fresh and the days becoming longer.

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Feb. 8th, 2006 05:23 pm If I had a time machine, the world would be fresh

For anyone that thinks they are close to me, take two steps back and jump the fuck off a cliff. You aren't close to me, me and you don't have an emotional bond, you don't know my secrets, I don't confide in you. What you give me is fake. It's a hypocritical situation of a smile but when you turn around I can see the grimace. If you want to talk to me, fucking don't. here's a fact, more than likely I don't fucking like you. I honestly don't like anyone, I'm an asshole. Everyone pisses me off and no one is good enough for me. i'm not even good enough for myself, I wouldn't even be my own friend. If you want to say something about me, you can call me and say it or at least wait till I'm around. If you feel the need to make a snide remark, then shut your fucking mouth. You are nothing, you can keep your close-minded gossip to yourself. Go tell all your friends what happened today, go spill all your technicalities out the door. Go speak into the galaxy, maybe someone will find you so important and believe what you say. More than likely though, no one gives a shit and no one will give a shit. Spend your time nestled with your fucking loved one's because that's all you have and will have until that turns into shit and you run back to what you think you had. None of this is worth it, and it will all come tumbling down eventually. Us, as a society, we are fucking liars, bigots and hypocrites. I won't say what I think about you to your face, instead I'll tell my best friend and she'll tell her friend but that friend had better not tell or else I'll get upset because I'm found out. Stand up for yourself, stop hiding behind a facade. You're a fucker. Go break each other's arms from squeezing too tight, go take your hearts and skip them across the water. I don't give a fuck.

Current Music: Animosity - Grey Skies

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Feb. 6th, 2006 08:22 pm The Pearl Necklace

I'll follow you to the edge of the sea and walk under the tide. The water will over-take me as I sit at the bottom. The urchens swim past restlessly while I watch them float by. When I look up, i can see the golden ray's of the sun spreading across the tip of the Ocean. There is no struggle and there is no clenched teeth. You learn to accept the calm of your whites escaping. A cruel hanging with a broken rope. I'll choke on your grasp until I suck the breath out of your lungs.

Current Music: Mashlin - Bending light in new directions

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